Suburban Rhapsody

That fateful Sunday evening when the email arrived about closing school for two weeks, I was told the look in my eyes was one of pure resignation and agony. TWO WEEKS of the kids being homeschooled???? There weren’t enough virtual yoga classes or YouTube meditations to calm my inner voice that was wailing, “HELL NO!” That night as I fell asleep, I gently reminded myself that I can do hard things and I could certainly do them for only two weeks. I was a teacher in my former life, dammit. I’ve got this.

Shiny happy people laughing

I woke up that Monday with an abnormal sense of hope and promise. While the kids still slept peacefully, with visions of unlimited video game and iPad time dancing through their heads, I chugged my coffee and began my involuntary transformation from Mom to Head Teacher of All the Grades. Without much blinking, a blank look in my eyes, and pajamas that would soon become my new work wardrobe, I dug through boxes and crates that hadn’t been acknowledged in a decade. To be fair, the last person to touch them was probably the mover that carried them from one house to another. Nonetheless, it was time to dust them off. Within moments, I converted our dining room into a classroom. It could’ve been the second cup of coffee kicking in, but I felt the teacher tingles that I hadn’t felt in years.

Good morning, children! Mrs. S here. Time for me to teach you all the things and make your childhood even more magical. This pandemic is going to be the BEST thing to ever happen to you. Welcome to Camp Covid!

Everyone around, love them, love them
Put it in your hands, take it, take it
There’s no time to cry, happy, happy

I was that annoying mom with a schedule on a white board. But I was physically unable to stop myself there. I posted a Riddle of the Day, a daily Lego Challenge, hung a world map, set up a calendar area, divided our dining room walls up so that each child had their own bulletin board and lined up three bins with freshly sharpened pencils and blank notebooks so that we could reflect upon the millions of things that we are grateful for. I was confident that “I’m grateful for having the most perfect mom of all the moms” would obviously be on page one. By the time the children came downstairs, I had ordered workbooks, jotted down plans for the week, mapped out local field trips so that we could be outside and decided that nature and my expired teacher certification were going to guide us through this unexpected opportunity.

See? I’m not shitting you.

I was going to crush homeschool. My three blessings were going to look back at this time with fondness and someday tell their grandkids all about that time we had to stay home for two glorious weeks and their mommy opened their eyes to what true education was.

Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing